My Moochalicious New Year's Resolutions

2025 is a Time for Change, and New Opportunities to Improve

I plan on learning to read in 2025. So I don’t keep getting insulted like this. Art by Little Girl some years ago, my Person.

Happy New Year to you all! 2025 is going to bring some big changes in my life. You’re never to old to change for the better, even at 12 1/2 years old. That’s what the Big Fella,

Jason Provencio

says, anyway.

So here are a few things I plan to work on, my New Year’s resolutions. Buckle up, there are several things to go over. Time for change!

Learning to Read

I plan on learning to read. The voice-to-text option makes me feel like less of a writer. I can’t have that. Plus there’s the other, more obvious thing:

My Person insulted me. She drew the above picture of me when she was in junior high. Though that was 6 or 7 years ago, it still hurts. So I’m going to show her and learn to read. I’ll show her who’s boss.

Cutting My Barking Down

Everyone in the house is always all over my shit about barking. Perhaps they don’t understand how dogs work. That shouldn’t be my problem.

But it is. I don’t like getting yelled at. Just because I hate people, squirrels, birds, dogs, cats, small children and our household children who come into Ma-Ma and Paw-Paw’s bedroom doesn’t mean I should be chastised constantly. You’d think they’d be happy that I am so alert and have such sharp vision at my age.

I’ll do my best. But if I hear another doorbell on TV, it’s NOT my fault. Those sound so damn realistic. Especially at the volume that half-deaf Big Fella watches his TV at.

Begging

It’s not my fault the Big Fella buys McRibs when I’m in the truck.

I feel that this isn’t my fault, honestly. For three reasons:

1. The Big Fella is a hell of a good cook.

2. Both of them are easy marks and have a hard time saying no to me.

3. Dog food tastes like ass.

They say that I sound like a tea-kettle going off when I’m worked up. That’s fairly accurate. But still, words hurt. And if I did give up on begging, my nickname “Mooch” wouldn’t make sense anymore.

I might just find the willpower to do it so I can stick it to Russo, the douchebag who nicknamed me Mooch. It would be worth losing a few pounds just to piss him off.

Eating Stuff off the Floor

This Big Fella calls me “Roomba”, and there’s a reason. If I can reach it, I can eat it. This had led to a few close calls. One involved brownie crumbs on a plate, not good for dogs, evidently. The other, the bones from a piece of chicken.

I think he was scared when he found me near both. And I heard him have a little sit-down with the parties involved. Something about not leaving stuff where I can reach it. I’m not some little piss-pants kid. But I do lack a bit of self-control, so I get it.

Exercise, and How It Relates to Me

I live a fairly sedentary lifestyle. There’s a reason I’m still pretty spry at my age. I feel as though it’s because I don’t go crazy with too much activity.

My six to eight naps a day probably keep me well-rested. Preserved, even.

Still, I know that I could stand to lose a couple of pounds. The Big Fella is kind enough to take me on a decent walk every afternoon. But perhaps I need to up it a bit. Especially since I fashion myself somewhat of a foodie. I would like to live a longer life.

Maybe I’ll start grabbing my leash and bringing it to

Jason Provencio

. He could stand to lose a few pounds, himself.

Well, Here’s Goes Nothing

No really, nothing. I’m just bullshitting you. I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions. This bitch is happy with who she is. My family loves and accepts me for who I am. Even if some of my behaviors can be a bit annoying.

I feel the same way about yous guys. Don’t change a thing, you’re perfect just the way you are. Unless you want to do it. Then tell me to piss off and I’ll respect that. Hell, maybe it will inspire me to actually give a couple of these a try.

Happy New Year to you all! Thanks for following me and for your support! :)